Faculty Clothing

For quite a while it has frustrated me that there is no anthropology faculty clothing at my university. History? Archaeology? Sociology? English? Business? Biology? Economics? Oh you can bet those jerks have clothing. But anthropology? No. We're too small.

Generally this task falls to the student faculty club, but our club can't seem to get it together. Infinitely frustrating. I'm proud of being an anthropology student here. I want to wear that pride!

I found a website that creates custom clothing! Better than that, it will create them individually!!! Normally you have to order a minimum of 20-50. What would I do with 50 anthropology hoodies? Never mind how would I pay for 50 anthropology hoodies.

When I get paid next, then, I'm going to put in an order for a navy hoodie that has the name of my school and my faculty on the front in big bold letters, and then this quote in small print on the back:
"Anthropology demands the open-mindedness with which one must look and listen, record in astonishment and wonder that which one would not have been able to guess." -Margaret Mead

Cool huh? It's going to look snazzy. SNAZZY.

Lauryn Hill

I wish Lauryn Hill would stop writing songs about my life.

Seriously. It's my life. Shouldn't I get royalties?

My Cloud

Thing I Learned Today:

...Never freeze soup that you thickened with cornstarch. When you thaw it you get water, vegetables, and one conglomerate mass of cornstarch pudding.

Bottom of the Curve

This is one of those days I could live without, although it really began at 11:33 pm last night. A fight, a long time coming. A painful realization. An action that cost me more strength than I knew I had. Hours spent with friends, trying to come out of the shock, learning that they were right all along. Two hours of fitful sleep. Up an hour before I need to be, staring at the clock, feeling nauseous, trying in fruitless desperation to sleep again. Feeling myself slide back into numbness, and welcoming it. Getting slowly ready for work, preparing myself for what is sure to be the longest day in history.

Life. This is a low point.

Kermit

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

Brainstorm

I had a terrific brainstorming session today with friends from the walksafe program. We talked about absolutely everything under the sun: things we liked, things we didn't like, things we wanted to change, things we wanted to stay the same. It was fantastic. I left feeling confident and inspired.

Now I'm home, and absolutely petrified. My stomach is doing flips. I have so much to get done, so much to prepare. Not just for the exec applications, but for school as well. Never mind that I'm waiting for the phone to ring. I hate that. I'm so stupidly nervous about everything. Gah.

I can't believe there are only two months left of school. It goes way too fast. I wish I could slow it down.

The L Word

I've been watching the first season of the L word, which was loaned to me by Jackie. It's a show about lesbians in L.A., and while at first it seemed to be a plotless cover for cheap soft core porn, by the third episode I was hooked. I just finished the last episode of the first season, and it had me practically in tears.

I have to, have to, have to see the second season now before I go crazy. Something happy better happen soon, darn it!

Poor, poor Tina.

A Day in the Life (I have no life, argh)

12:00 (noon) - wake up, shower, eat breakfast.
12:30 - blog, get dressed
12:45 - take load of laundry downstairs
1:00 - get Kinship notes out, work on 341 take-home midterm
1:15 - go downstairs to move laundry into drier
1:30 - work on 341 take-home midterm
2:15 - get laundry out of drier
2:30 - work on 341 take-home midterm
3:30 - take a break
4:00 - work on 341 take-home midterm
6:00 - be finished 341 take-home midterm, make supper, watch on episode of The L Word while overviewing executive application
7:00 - meet with Bry and Nik to go over executive applications
8:30 - come home, fend off neighbour
9:00 - get sick of fending off neighbour, go for coffee
10:00 - come home, read 371 book
11:00 - go to bed early to get up early (must get back on school schedule)

Torment

The room is lit by gentle light: the flames of a thousand candles. The air is quiet, the door closed to guard against the unknown future. Would that thin wood could have the power of ageless stone. The window shows only the blackest of night, and the girl sits, transfixed, her eyes focused on the one candle whose flame does not flicker, but sits tall and proud upon its wax throne. What is it that gives this flame the courage to stand out among the others who whimper and flutter, indecisive and easily swayed by the mocking breeze?

Huddled among a hundred pillows, she holds them against her heart. They form a wall of security, placed round her body that they leave not a space. Were that they could stand up against time, invincible as she would like them to be. That these pillow warriors could protect her from the horrors of her nemesis, but alas, that enemy has infiltrated their midst. That enemy has escaped the sights of her feathered guardians, though their lookout is ceaseless. They could not see it nor fend it off, for it resides within the very body of the girl they have sworn to protect and to comfort. She sits in a castle of softness, tormented by the one thing she cannot lock out: her mind.

Handling Things

Tonight, or I suppose technically last night - since it's 2:30 in the morning, I went out with a bunch of friends, Jackie and Fitzy included. We went to the bar that's almost immediately across the street. It's small and it's dirty, but it's entirely university students, the booze is cheap, and the music is loud. The booze thing isn't a big deal for me since I've kind of decided to go straight edge, but I'll talk about that another time.

We went as a group, meeting more people there, and for the most part it was a wonderful night. They played good music (it's kind of hit and miss there) and we danced up a storm. Fitzy played some interference for us on a couple of occasions, positioning himself between us and the intruding male, and proceeding to waggle his butt aggressively. There was dancing and singing and much fun.

And then there were two people, which we shall refer to as Dumb-Ass and Smarmy-Ass. DA decided that Jackie and I were the perfect target for his attention. He proceeded to get routinely up in our space, and obviously thought it was very funny when we elbowed/pushed/shoved him away. Fitzy tried to get him to back off, but it was to no avail. I heard him talking to his friend, Encouraging-Bastard, about how he was sure he could get one of us and EB could get the other. It was quite offensive, to say the least. At one point I got fed up and put my hand straight up in the air, which is the universal signal to the bouncers for attention. Unfortunately for me, it was seemingly unobserved. Then DA full out grabbed my butt, and when I shoved him off, he went over and grabbed Jackie and tried to grind with her. I was so angry at this point that I would have decked him if I could have gotten to him fast enough. Jackie moved, Fitzy repositioned himself once more, but DA kept moving around him to get to whichever one Fitzy wasn't blocking. I had had it. I went over to the closest bouncer, pointed out the guy, and they had him removed. Finished, right? Wrong!

DA's friend SA came over and started harassing Fitzy for getting DA thrown out. Fitzy just told him to watch his friend next time, and SA said that he wouldn't do anything "this time" but not to throw out one of his buddies again. SA left, and I told Fitzy that it's easier if I take the blame for getting guys kicked out, because they'll just call me a bitch, but they may very well throw a punch at a guy. At any rate, we stayed, unharassed for a while, and then as we got ready to go, SA came over again to talk to Fitzy, and I cut in front of Fitzy, looked the SA square in the eyes and said, "tell your buddy that next time, when a girl says 'no', to just back off". SA retorted with, "he was just joking", but I cut him off with a, "yeah, yeah, whatever" and we left.

He had the nerve to say something more to Fitzy when we were in line at the coat check, but I missed that part. We walked home, and by the time I got in my apartment and had sat down, I had pretty much stopped shaking with rage. Fitzy apologized for having to defend us, which, for the record Fitzy, is silly: you can't apologize for men, just because you happen to share their gender. We appreciated all the interference you ran.

Jackie raised a good point. It sucks that we have to have a guy in order to get other guys to back off. It's simply not enough any more to say "no thanks" or "girls night", they just get more aggressive. I used to, when a guy came on to my friend, say "hey man, quit hitting on my girlfriend", and they'd normally back right off. Now it seems like it's just encouraging to them, like they think that then they can get both of us (woo hoo lesbians). The only way, it seems, is to get another guy to tell them off. Fitzy normally just says "sorry man, she's taken" and the guy backs right off. Why can't they take the rejection from me? Do they assume that we're playing hard to get? That by the pushing away, the verbal shut downs, the moving away, and the angry looks, we're really saying, "try it again stud, and you'll get lucky"?

Obviously, the experience will depend on the bar you're in, the efficiency of the security staff, and the amount of alcohol that both parties have ingested, but still the question remains: When did 'no' start meaning 'maybe'?

Erasure

Which moments would you erase? It's true that sometimes we learn the most from the things we do wrong, but I think that sometimes it's just not worth it. Some moments you do so totally and completely wrong that it doesn't seem like anything positive that came out of them can be right.

I'd like to erase some of my insensitive moments. Moments when I began a conversation, or confessed a secret, and witnessed the momentary fall of the face, the bite of the lip, the blink that lasted a half-second too long, followed by a quick suppression of feeling. I'd like to erase moments when I make those close to me bite back their feelings in order to help me. Too think that I have friends so brave and giving as to love me, even though the things I sometimes do and tell them about cause them pain, jealousy, and anger, just makes me want to cry. At times like this, I wish I could be a better person. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could undo what was disappointing them. I wish I could be a person more deserving of their affection, and their love. I wish I never strayed, or erred, because then I wouldn't have to let them down.

I know it's impossible to never let anybody down, but the look I got today...it just breaks my heart, and I'm so sorry.

Snow Day!

No class no class no class no class no class no class...

Campaign Week

It occurred to me that I've failed to notify you all of the thing that is taking up all of my time and energy this week: the sex tourism campaign! That's right folks, it's this week. Monday we set up in the concourse, Tuesday and Wednesday we're in the Hall of Fame, and Thursday and Friday we're back in the concourse. So far, it's been an immense success.

Monday we got minimal interest really, but that's typical of Mondays, and we didn't have the big display board up. We sold a few raffle tickets (Prize is Blue Jays tickets), and gave out some ribbons and flyers.

Tuesday was the big day. Tuesday was the bake sale. I was completely overwhelmed at the number of baked goods my volunteers brought. I had:

• Peanut Butter squares
• Mint Chocolate squares
• Heart-shaped sugar cookies
• Heart-shaped sugar cookies dipped in chocolate
• Peanut Butter cookies
• Two kinds of cupcakes
• A cherry pie
• A cheesecake
• Banana bread
• Heart-shaped mini cakes
• Cracker squares

Can you say amazing bakers?? We had, I would argue, the best spread of all the bake sales going on. We made $153 from the sale, to which will be added another $100 - a generous contribution by my Grandfather.

Also, a thanks to Fitzy, who has helped me open the booth every day this week, and also to Jackie because the two of them have kept me company for a lot of the time. It gets lonely sitting at a booth, even if I am raising awareness and making a difference!

On another note, my prof from last term (the one that gave me an A+) just walked by, saw he display, and had a five minute convo with me about how bright I am and what a good cause this is, and how much she loved teaching me. Tee hee. Can you say "reference letter"??

Faaaaaaantastic.

Gripe of the Day

I hate, hate, hate when people take a new toilet paper roll and place it above the old one on the rung, or on the counter. Why, why, why can't they take the extra FIVE SECONDS to take the old one off, and put the new one on? Why? It just makes so much more sense!

Stroumboulopoulos

George for Prime Minister. That is all.

OSAP Blunders

I got an email from OSAP a couple of weeks ago informing me that my file had been updated. I checked, and it showed that they had allocated me $300 more dollars than I'd received, and that the money was available for my pick-up at the university student awards office.

Today I went down to student awards, and was told that although I'm entitled to the money, they don't actually have the clearance to release the funds unless I take up another half credit course. I looked at her and said, "you must be nuts. I'm already taking a half credit above the recommended number." She laughed. I asked if it could be credited against some of the summer courses I'm taking by distance ed, and she said only if I was taking 1.5 or more credits, but I'm only taking 1.0.

For heaven's sake. Let's look at this: I'm taking 2 1/2 credit courses over the summer, which is already 2 1/2 credits more than I'm expected to take, and they want me to take another half credit in order to get $300? That makes absolutely no sense. A half credit course is 400 and some odd dollars for tuition alone, never mind textbooks! That means that I'd be paying about $600 in order to get $300 more in loans. Logic?

So I said thanks, but no thanks, and left. I did, however, successfully register for my summer courses. I'll be taking Developmental Psychology 1 and 2, one for the May-June, and one for July-August. They will probably be the easiest credits I ever attain. One course at a time? Puleeze.

Terrible Start

Today has, so far, been one of those days where I just should have called in sick, rolled over, and slept through the horror.

It began when I was snowed into my building. Because I get up so darned early, it often happens that I'm the one breaking trail for everyone else. Today was much worse, given that the parking lot (which I walk through) had not been ploughed since the snowfall on Friday. We're now talking about a foot and a half of snow walled up against the door, and then, passing that, miles and miles of ice. I exaggerate, but you see the difficulty.

Having gotten successfully to work, I discovered, much to my dismay, that one of the girls had called in and said she couldn't make it due to the weather. This means that I'm working with just one other woman, my 50 year old immediate manager. She dropped out of school when she was 16, and has been working in Food Services at my university since 1980. She's generally nice, but her intelligence is definitely below par. She's slow and not very good at her job. She can never snake the coffee machines in the morning but always has to try, fail, and then complain to me about it. My thought: why not just let me do it? Why this pattern?

Today she was worse than usual. She kept making orders for customers and forgetting what she'd made, giving them to the wrong people, and asking people 4 times over what they wanted in their coffee. There are three options: sugar, milk, and cream. It's really not that complicated. This had me scrambling to try to pick up her slack, and also dealing with the cranky customers who would leave, discover they had to wrong thing, and come back for a replacement. Additionally, her word of the day was "ignorant" and she kept using it repeatedly (we're talking 7 times in under a minute, I counted), despite the fact that she had obviously no idea what it means. Coming from a well educated family (we've all witnessed my mother's vocabulary over at It's Not All Mary Poppins), it positively grates on me when people use words incorrectly. However, being equally blessed with tact, I refrained from correcting her knowing full well that there was no way I could do so that wouldn't appear snooty.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the prices also changed today, so people were pretty angry and loud about that. I felt like screaming at them all: we've had a sign up for weeks letting you know it was coming, and it's only costing you four cents extra - GET OVER IT. That's not even a nickel!

I hate people.

Needless to say, by the time Amy came in to replace me, I was just about ready to scream.

Then class, which was boring and uneventful, and home to find post-its on my door asking me to take out the garbage. Now, I have absolutely no problem sharing household duties like this, and am normally pretty good about it, but I haven't been home for more than 30 seconds at a time in the last 4 days. Taking the garbage out consists of lifting the bag out of the can, walking 10 feet down the hall and dropping it in the shoot. Not that hard. My question then is: why leave me a note? Why not just do it yourself? It would take less time than actually writing out the note for me, and it gets it done immediately, rather than waiting for me to come home hours or days later to do it. It just doesn't make any sense. It's like, "Haley's really busy, lets add more to her plate that we really could have done ourselves".

Also, I hate that they call me by my last name. Nicknames are for close friends and family, no one else. People that I don't like have no right to take that privilege.

I was going to do some laundry, but some stupid girl was in the laundry room doing 9 loads, concurrently. Who the heck has enough laundry for 9 loads?? More to the point: who does 9 loads of laundry at 1 in the afternoon on a Monday?

And it's only 2 o'clock. I still have 2 more classes to struggle through (including 2 quizzes). I think then I'll be headed to the gym for a much needed run. Any joiners? Fitzy, I'm looking at you.

Oddity

Weird things I do (beware Jackie, oh future roommate):

• Listen (and sing along) to really awful pop music. Particularly when I'm feeling sad or reminiscent, I tend to throw on some old pop that I adored in high school. I still know all the words, and I secretly love it still, even though I admit it to no one.
• Compulsively clean the bathroom sink. Toothpaste blobs are the devil. Spots on the mirror drive me insane. Unpolished taps make me cringe.
• Never wear socks. Simply put, I hate wearing them at home. Even if the floor is freezing, I hate wearing socks, despite the fact that I collect fun-print socks. Odd, I realize. Why collect something you despise wearing? Love-Hate relationship.
• Sing myself to sleep. Particularly, I sing Christmas songs (doesn't matter the time of year) or Christian hymns. I only know like 6, and not all of the words either. Mostly I sing fragments of songs that I remember hearing at my grandparents' church.
• Pace while I memorize. I'll print of lists of vocabulary words and pace in circles, reciting to myself. I remember better that way, I swear. I kind of semi-chant them.
• My laundry...but only once a month. Only when I am down to absolutely nothing clean do I do laundry. And then I will spend 3 hours rotating loads in and out of the washers. I'll also hang things that can't be dryer dried all over my room.
• Talk to my cat. Constantly. He understands me, I swear. I miss conversations with him. (Half joking) I also talk his side of it sometimes in a cat voice. Don't ask me to explain what that is.

more coming...